National Post
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Elvira Kurt is many things,
Rebecca Eckler
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Elvira Kurt is a lesbian, vegetarian, comedian. This not only makes describing her a bit of a mouthful, and perhaps makes her the perfect roommate but, above all, a mother"s worst nightmare.
See, Elvira (pronounced El-vee-rah) is the daughter of Hungarian immigrants. "My mother always tells me not to talk about myself to my relatives. We don"t have those things over there,” says Elvira, imitating her mother"s thick accent. "We don"t have lesbians or vegetarians or comedians! "
Elvira came out professionally and personally at the same time, eight years ago, after being a comedian for six years. "I came out to my friends at Second City first, and they still loved me. So I came out. My parents always wanted a doctor or anything they could brag about, certainly not a showbiz freak.”
In the past, this is how Elvira has described Gay Pride Day; "Millions of people with one thing in common: A mother who’s miserable.” This is what Elvira had to say about Ellen DeGeneres coming out: "What a big stretch for Ellen to play a lesbian. That’s like Courtney Love as a heroin addict.” And about gay and lesbian issues: "Of course we have a homosexual agenda. Don’t get killed and a decent brunch.” And, finally, on how people knew she was gay before she did: "My kindergarten report card said, "Nice child but rarely stays on her own mat at nap time!"
Though Elvira is most definitely comfortable as a lesbian today, and though her press material promotes her as Canada"s most prominent lesbian comedian, she says she"s a comedian first and foremost. When I say, "So ... you’re Canada’s most prominent lesbian comedian, huh?" she responds with, "Ah. OK, if you say so. But I never describe myself as a lesbian. But that"s what sticks out.
True enough, Elvira probably wouldn’t have received so much press if she wasn’t in fact funny. She’s worked on DeGeneres’ new pilot for CBS, and presently has the lead role - a feminist superhero - in the animated series Reality Chick for Oprah Winfrey’s new Oxygen network
"I play an eight-month-pregnant feminist superhero using my own voice. Basically, the show attacks stereotypes against women. So when someone points at a woman;s magazine, I’d say, "But why do you want to be like her? Her butt crack is airbrushed!"
I met Elvira at Spiral restaurant, in Toronto’s gay village, because there’s something I’d always wanted to know. And there was no better person to answer the question than a lesbian comedian: Why don"t women ever on me?”
Elvira"s not sure why. She says she thinks I’m cute. She says I have nice skin."Maybe it’s because you don"t hang out in gaybars.”
But girl and girl or boy and boy or girl and boy, we all have the same troubles, especially when it comes to relationships, she says. "Disappointment and rejection, perfect comedy. I don’t do the, ‘When two dykes get together ...’ schtick, maybe because the lesbian community is so small. It’s like, You’re going out with Sue? You mean Sue who was with Carolyn who was with Mary the plumber? No, Mary the drummer. Oh, OK. I know here.”
When it comes to material, idiocy is what attracts her, like genetic engineering, for example. "Our grandchildren,” she says, “Will not believe we ever ate vegetables from the ground. And when I’m a grandmother, I’ll be saying to my grandchild, “Nice blue eye!"
Elvira is dressed in workout pants. She wears a royal blue beaded choker around her neck. But what catches my eye are her socks - white ankle socks, with pictures of little ducks.
“My girlfriend and I have a duck thing. We were going through a really bad time and we were in New Zealand we had such a nice time seeing all these cute little baby ducks in a pond.
The socks were make-up socks?
“No, they were ‘I love you’ socks.”
Born and raised in Toronto, she moved to the United States three years ago, and now has houses in L.A. and San Francisco. She makes anywhere from a free Tshirt to $5,000 a night performing everywhere from Australia to Las Vegas.
“My only regret is that I think I waited too long to move to the States. I kept thinking I wasn’t good enough, but when I got there, I was like, "Oh my God, I'm so beyond some of these people!"
DeGeneres, who saw her perform, called her out of the blue to ask her to help her write an act. She has also performed with Sandra Bernhardt and Jerry Seinfeld. “After a show once, I saw Jerry standing around and he was surrounded by three people,” she says. "I had a great night, the kind of night every comedian dreams of, and Jerry performed after me. After, I heard him say to these people,’So, do you think it was OK? Did you think I did all right?’ This is a guy who has $90-billion and he still has to ask if he’s good. It makes you think, ‘Will I ever think I’m good enough?’"